Confused College Kidd

15 damn days.....

2007-06-22T03:25:53Z

So my fiance is about halfway to london right about now. She left this afternoon while I was at work. I dont know what to do with myself now. I have fifteen days of waiting for her. 15 days of keeping my phone on loud so that if she has a chance to call me she can no matter what time it is here in the states. 15 days of missing my other half. 15 days without my heart because she took it with her. *breaks down and cries for the fourth time today*

flagget2010 @ 2007-06-07T10:45:00

2007-06-07T17:45:29Z

Haven't updated in a while but I have nothing else to right now because I dont have to be at work until 1 this afternoon......oh joy!

I got to see my girlfriend for the first time in over a month!! I pretty much stole my dad's car and drove the 20 miles to her work and surprised her. Then on my way home she calls and tells me to meet her at the Cold Stone by my house. Aparently she stole her dad's car as well because he was out of town for the weekend. We only got to see eachother for like 45 minutes but what a glorious 45 minutes they were! We're really going to go insane when she leaves in two weeks and two days to go on her Euro tour for two weeks. But at least I'll be there at the airport when she gets back.

Ummmmmm....Nothing else too interesting. Went to the beach all of last week, got really sunburned, came to really appreciate wet suits because that water was very very cold! Came to really hate the stupid rocks in the ocean and all the slippery sea weed that invariably got wrapped up around my ankles every time I stepped into the water!

Saw my little sister graduate 8th grade and my best friend in the whole world graduate high school. She's only a couple of months younger than me but because of that stupid cutoff rule she is a year behind me in school. I think that's it! My life is pretty boring right now. :( But oh well. I dont need anymore drama in my life right now. Almost losing my girlfriend over a stupid argument is enough drama for right now.

flagget2010 @ 2007-05-20T16:31:00

2007-05-20T23:33:12Z

so i was right. the baby is gone. dont know why, but she's gone. i dont know exactly how to feel.

flagget2010 @ 2007-05-19T19:58:00

2007-05-20T03:01:59Z

i think i may have just lost my baby. just a guess. sharp pains that reduce me to tears and curling up in the fetal position....in about the place where my uterus would be....i really think i just lost the baby....and i dont know what to think. i just want to be with my girlfriend right now.

flagget2010 @ 2007-05-15T08:11:00

2007-05-15T15:21:26Z

Right after she got it cut

She used to have long beautiful blonde hair but i dont have a good picture of it on this computer. I miss her hair and she's changed with the hair. I love that she is further up the butch scale than I am but there is a point that it is too much and no longer really attractive to me. I really dont know what to do about it. she wont let me say sorry for the comment and she says it's fine but I know her well enough to know that she is still upset about it. Blah! It's times like these when I wonder why I like girls!

Here's her after she kind of got a better handle on doing her hair at one of the school's formal events.

Ooopsss...

2007-05-14T05:02:09Z

She got a hair cut....and I can't say that i care for it. It looks....well not so good on her. But she loves it. And her parents (who I think are more happy because she decided not to get a dyke spike) love it and so do most of her friends. I don't know why but yesterday I let it slip that I didn't like it. And now she is pretty mad at me. Blah I can't win! I loved her long hair. Loved it. Loved to run my hands through it and now it is like six inches long..I dont like it.

flagget2010 @ 2007-05-02T09:44:00

2007-05-02T16:46:30Z

I love anniversaries!!!

Damn i love that woman!

SIX MORE DAYS!!!!

2007-04-14T21:01:09Z

six more days until i get to see my fiance!!!!!!!!!!! i can not wait! almost two months since i've last seen her!

FINALLY!!!!!

2007-04-09T00:46:51Z

My fiance and I have finally figured out a way to see eachother on the 21 of April!! It is about freaking time! We've both been going insane with out being able to see eachother. Not to mention she went on vacation to California so for a whole week I didn't even get to talk to her on the phone.

That is her with her little sister.

what the fuck?????

2007-03-25T00:59:32Z

my room mate tany just 'announced' that she and one of my other roomies are moving out! leaving me with the one roomy i hate. not to mention that if they move out then i have to pay double what i'm paying now and i can't afford to do that. i just can't! seriously! what the fuck? i dont understand how anyone can just leave you hanging like that! this isn't the playground and some one didn't show up to play date and i had to play with someone else. this is the real world and i can't just be ok on my own! if i could i'd be out to my parents and living with my fiance! what the fuck!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Sick

2007-03-23T03:45:50Z

Sick

I’m so sick of meaningless conversations
That do not mean a thing.
So sick of being left out
Of every single thing.
I am sick and tired of being picked last
And being overlooked
Only to hear “who’s that?”
When my way they finally look.

I’m sick of being surrounded by people
Who just don’t give a damn
Sick wishing they would accept me
Just for who I am.
Sick of waiting
Sick of wishing
Sick of wanting
And definitely sick of praying
For things that just are not meant to be.

I’m sick of this rule who tells me who to love
Sick of having to choose between love
And loved ones.
Either way someone is unhappy

I choose her I lose them
I choose them I kill her.

I can’t win and I’m sick of it.
This sickness tears at my heart.
Tears at my relationship
Tears at her.
I’m sick of doing that to her.
For it’s me to blame.

I’m too sick to chose you see.
So what can she do but wait on me?
Why is it fair for her heart to be in my hands?
Why do I have to choose whether we’re together?
I’m so sick of this.

This isn’t what I imagined when
I asked for love.
Not what I’d heard it would be like.
I never thought I could feel this way
And now that I do.
I don’t know what to do.
And I’m sick of that too.

AHHHHH!!!!!

2007-03-21T02:48:00Z

So i realize i'm not the most patient person in the world but i am at my wits end with one of my room mates!!!! she never ever does her dishes, (now i'm not the best at consistently doing mine either but at least i try). the rest of the roomies and i all pitch in and buy 'real food' every now and then that everyone has access to and is encourage to eat because 'we are trying to be healthy.' She has never once bought anything like that or contributed anything! her shit is every where and she constantly butts into my conversations on the phone! when she does say anything, it's whining about how she isn't in school anymore! which is her own damn fault! she withdrew thinking her loans didn't come threw in time only to come back to town after christmas break and find them waiting for her in the mailbox. and she could have picked ALL of her classes back up but chose not to! now she is LYING to our boss (yes unfortunately she and i work together) and claiming she is still a student so she can work there still! it is a student job and students who want her job can't have it because she is LYING to keep it!!! blah!!!!!!!!! i'm so ready to tell our boss she isn't a student and get her ass fired!! i can't wait until she leaves for the summer!
And my other room mates are little better right now. but for different reasons. i share a room with the one i was talking about above, and i realize that my other roomies, A and B, see each other more often because their schedules just fit that way. and maybe i'm wrong but if you are living with people that you claim to be friends with, is it too much to ask for to be included in activities such as going out to dinner and parties? especially when the parties are at the apartment YOU LIVE IN TOO!?!?!? i mean come on....i come home and there are ten people in the apartement that only really seats five comfortably...it's loud and i have a shit load of homework to do...kind of inconsiderate! seriously what the fuck?!?!?

I thought it would be different

2007-03-13T02:58:28Z

So I'm at BYU with my friends for spring break and somehow I thought it would be different. I don't know what I thought it would be like but it just doesn't seem as fun as I thought it would be a little more interesting. But I don't know how I expected more because the friend that I'm staying with isn't that......outgoing? I mean she goes to BYU, there is such a big party scene there....She didn't take the fact that I'm staying in Tucson for the summer very well. But oh well what can you do? You can't please everyone right?

So close and Yet so far....

2007-03-09T05:13:40Z

i'm going home this weekend and flying out with a friend on monday. Going home means two things, i have to see my family, and two i'll be within a 30-40 minute drive of my fiance's house and i can't see her. it's now offically been over a month since i've last seen her and i'm going up the wall. i just want to see the woman i love. is that so wrong?

Officially Dropped!

2007-03-06T06:10:39Z

So I'm officially dropped from my trigonometry class! Yay!!!

I'm going insane!

2007-03-04T01:30:59Z

I am going to go insane! It sounds so co-dependent but, I dont get to see my fiance for almost a month and a half and I'm going insane! I hate just getting to talk to her on the phone for a few minutes during the day. It's driving me up the wall.

Love Hate Relationship

2007-02-15T03:42:09Z

Ok so for Valentines Day my fiance and I were going to try to get together but becuase I can't miss class and she can't either it didn't work out. So then we were going to just send eachother something via mail but neither of us wanted to tell the other what we wanted. So this morning I sent her a poem and another long email about random things that I love about her. It works I guess but it makes me really hate having and LDR.

Blah!

2007-02-13T06:36:28Z

Well, my week of hell is over and I only had one mental breakdown which resulted in me ditching my trig class, calling in sick to work and crying on my room mates shoulder for the rest of the afternoon. But then when I snuck home the weekend after....things got a little messy. I went and did something really stupid. However, I'm not going into that. I fixed it with the person involved and now everything is ok. I got to see my fiance this past weekend! I couldn't have been happier to see her. We have been getting into a lot of fights recently because we are both so stressed with school and work that we've just been at eachother's throats a lot more lately. But after seeing eachother and fixing it face to face it has been much better. Of course then her parents had to go and royally screw things up between us by making her cry, which meant I had to stay on the phone with her for almost an hour when I had lots of homework to do. So, that kinda sucked, but what can ya do? That's part of being in love right?

I'm already sore!

2007-01-16T04:07:54Z

My room mates Tany, Erin and I went to the gym today and I am already sore from it. But it is a good kind of sore. I'm procrastinating doing my chemistry homework by doing this. However, there is only so much I can write before it become useless and nonsensical babbling. I am waiting to hear from my friend Danielle (Dani) if I can go up to Phoenix to see my best friend for her birthday. I'm more than a little anxious to see her. I haven't seen her in quite some time and I would love to see her for her birthday at least. But it doesn't look like I'll be able to see her after all. Sad times. Blah...stupid parents...who wont let Dani drive to pick me up and see her..grrrr....I have no car so I can't drive up and see her. I blame having to pay for college for my lack of a car. Maybe during spring break! Ok, crossed over into nonsensical babbling pretty much must be time to work on homework.

Revenge of the room mates!

2007-01-15T20:11:13Z

My room mate's future marine boyfriend has decided to make us all a workout routine that is six days a week. Because i dont have enough on my plate, i need to add a workout schedule. Revenge of the boyfriends and their boyfriends. But hey, maybe then i'll lose a few pounds. goodness knows i need it!

flagget2010 @ 2007-01-14T18:26:00

2007-01-15T01:26:50Z

I'm 18 years old and am currently attending college in Arizona. My major is Mollecular and Cellular Biology, which sounds really smart, but don't be intimidated, I'm not that smart. I made this account purely on whim so don't expect me to check it often. I was in the flagline at my high school where I was captain for almost two years. I love to chat online with friends, listen to music and have recently discovered a fetish for watching insane amounts of movies in one day! (my record is like 7 in one day) mmmmmm......what else? My favorite color is chocolate brown. Odd choice but I love it! I like almost all music from country to hard rock to classical. I'm open to trying new things. I'm living and loving life!